Blurry Dreams

Sharing thoughts filled with uncertainty.

Come chat with some cool people! (PC Only)

Hey guys! An old Flipnote Hatena friend and I made a chat for all of our friends, and we would like to invite YOU to join us! There's lots of cool things to do, like meet new people, doodle using a cruddy art pad, and sharing your favorite YouTube videos.

We welcome trolls and mature people alike, so we're sure you'll find your place here.

Just visit:

There are usually mods and owners on duty, so disrespect of other chatters will not be tolerated. Thanks! <3

Head Around You

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? Since my last post, I've turned 16, gotten rid of whatever boyfriend I spoke of last time, and have formed some conclusions in my head. A few weeks ago, I decided I needed to focus more on school because my grades were falling way lower than I was comfortable with, so I quit my winter guard extracurricular and deleted my Facebook. I tried to pull myself away from my virtual family, with the exception of two close friends, and that worked for about a week. Apparently while I was away, a friend attempted suicide and their relationship seemed to be falling apart. I guess I should've thought of the others before pushing them away, but this proves that you can't easily rid of the people you've spent so much of your time getting to know and care for. Even though I would be perfectly satisfied with just those two close friends to speak to, well, we don't always get what we want without affecting others.

Well, I'm off for winter break now. Time passes so fast, and it hasn't clicked in my head that Christmas is just four days away...I guess it's lost its magic for me. I am hoping for a white Christmas, though, and I'm excited to see my family on the Eve. My sister will be joining us this year, which I'm happy about because she was at boot camp at this time last year.

Hmm, what else? I've succeeded in getting my grades up for the most part, I've taken a strange interest in BDSM, which upon reading Fifty Shades has boosted it, my future wife has been dating someone I don't approve of (not only because of jealousy, either), I'm starting to accept the past as something that isn't as significant as it used to be, I recently did a project on Dave Pelzer (author of A Child Called It), I read a lot more than I have been these past few years, and I think some of my real life friends are not the friends for me.
That's about it, thanks for reading my nonsensical venting and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
~<3 Katia

'Cause I'd throw it all away, and it all would fade to black.

Hi, everyone! It's been quite a while, hasn't it? Well, you see, a long while back I went on a little rampage and basically typed out the story of something that has been playing over and over in my mind for..oh, about a year and a half or so? I deleted it minutes later and wrote a post making sure it hadn't done much damage. Granted the former had been seven thousand characters, it wasn't up long enough for someone to be able to completely read it through and leave a comment. The contents of that post aren't very significant to this post, but it's an explanation for why I've run from this community. XP

Anyyywho, this post is to explore a new thought of mine, that actually came shortly after reading Miley Cyrus' cover story for the Rolling Stone. It was a pretty long article, and it gave me an insight into how she got to where she is now. Besides my cringing at her use of language.. "homeboy" "homies".. along with needless cursing, I'll say I've finally come to accept this new Miley. OMG KATIA WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING!? Now, relax boys and girls, it's not like I'm gonna go shave my head, start twerking, and go off showing my body in public. That article inspired me more than anything else to turn and look at the way I'm living my own life right now. Am I happy like this? Is there a point where all of my efforts being put where they are will pay off? Well, let's take a look.

I'm a sophomore in high school, in all of those higher up classes. Grades have always been important to me, but for these past few years, my mind has been focused on other things... emotions, love, friends.. these things are what I've found online that have turned me away from the real world. For a long time (2 years, I believe), my life revolved around what I call was my internet family. There were mainly eight people a part of this. I love(d) each one of them as if they were close friends I knew in person. We all knew each other; some got along, some hated each others guts, some fell 'in love' with one another. I've only fallen in love with one of them myself, but that was a bad case and I wound up getting my heart broken. Fast forward a year and a few months since that happened, I find that my virtual family has withered. I still talk with each of them distantly, but it's not the same anymore. There's not a feeling of security and acceptance left in existence, and we've all grown apart. I find myself trying to hold on, with day dreams and letting the memories come in as they please.

However, it's pointless. I've had to fight hard to keep some of those people in my life, and I'm starting to realize it's not worth it. Not worth the lies I'm constantly told, not worth having to hide my emotions because they're a burden to someone else who doesn't feel the same. I have different things taking over my mind instead, such as being an important member in my school's marching band (color guard, baby!), a promising boyfriend, and a wake up call when it comes to my grades (I'm seriously my own asian parent guys, it does not approve of my 2 B's and 1 C.), and my beloved Academic Decathlon, leaving no time for these childish memories to contiue consuming my mind. Of course, I'm not going to abandon everyone or tell them they can't be in my life. Instead, I plan to focus only on what's important and doing what I need to do to be happy in my life while letting go of what's haunted me for so long. There are people who love and care about me, so I no longer have time for anyone who doesn't.

With all of that being said, the door will always be left open a crack for these people if they ever need me, because though ties have been severed, family is family.. Thanks for reading my little rant, hope you enjoyed reading about the woes of me. :D

Deception --- In depth.

So, what is deception? The definiton of the base word "deceive" I take straight from Google:


  1. (of a person) Cause (someone) to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage.
  2. (of a thing) Give a mistaken impression: "the area may seem to offer nothing of interest, but don't be deceived".

There are many forms of deception, as you may well know, and not all of them are bad. Remember Santa Claus? The Easter Bunny? If you celebrate Christmas and Easter, your parents most likely made you believe in these icons as a child to get you more enthusiatic about those holidays. The "naughty list" was their personal advantage; it was a threat they could use to get you to behave during the holiday season. They also liked to see your face light up when on Christmas morning you saw how many presents you got from "Santa". But, when you get to be a certain age, you either stop being naive or your parents break the news to you. Some take it pretty lightly, and others, well, not so much. (I took it just fine, haha.) If you were a firm believer in these icons, you probably took the news pretty harshly or maybe even denied it. Why? Because you were so convinced, and you really didn't want to face the reality of something you believed in for the first 8-10 years of your life.

Another form of deception is lying to someone if it necessary in order to accomplish a goal. In Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion,  main character Lelouch Lamperogue deceives many in order to create a new world where his younger sister Nunnally can live happily. (Totally stole part of that line XD) So how does he do it? Well, he receives a special thing from a girl/witch person called Geass, which gives him the power to make people obey him when he stares into their eyes. With this power he is able to lead a double life: one as a Britannian school boy, and the other as a commander of an army in the opposing force (Elevens/Japanese) called Zero. He deceives many, or makes others believe in his lies, in order to accomplish his goals without blowing his cover for either side. It's an excellent anime, and it helped me understand the whole concept of deception a bit better. I suggest you check it out.


Here's a controversial topic: is religion a deception? There are countless religions out there, but only one is "right" or "true". Atheists, who don't believe in a God, believe people who follow a religion are only deceived into believing in an afterlife lead by a divine being or beings who created us by others. Well, no matter how much controversy there is over it, one thing is remotely clear: there are no guarantees. No one will know whether or not their religion is a comforting lie until they die.


The easiest way to deceive someone is through the internet. Some people communicate with others under different names, ages, genders, or through different appearances to get what they want. If they aren't lying about their name, age, gender, or appearance, they could be lying about their feelings or intentions. What do I mean by that? People are used by others online as social experiments, to make them feel good about themselves, to gain the attention they can't get in their physical world at the time, and sometimes just for a laugh. Being on both sides of this example, I know how it feels to not feel remorse after deceiving someone I met online, and also how it feels to feel powerless after being deceived by someone I met online. I guess how much it hurts depends on how attached you get, though. 


So, you've made it to the bottom. Do you feel accomplished? I sure do, this thing took me like 5 hours. But it was worth it. Haha. Lesson being, don't be naive. Be careful of who you trust and don't become too attached to someone before you meet them face to face. HYPOCRISY, I know. However, I speak from experience so that you all can learn from my mistakes. I'm gonna go get ready for summer gym for tomorrow and play some Animal Crossing on the DS (Anyone play New Leaf yet?) so I hope I didn't bore you to death and I'll see you next time! Maybe. The next one won't be as long I promise ;-;


...I just typed a freakin' essay up in here. 4210 characters.


Can you take it all away?

    Hi everyone. If you're reading this, thank you for letting me take time out of your day probably contained of enjoying fandoms and watching people make fools out of themselves on the internet. Since this is my first entry, I guess I should tell you a bit about myself.

    If you were to put awkward, weird, geeky, insightful, compassionate, irrational, number-loving, girly, and smart into a blender, it would mix together to make me. I'm usually not afraid to speak my mind and share my emotions, which is both a good and a bad thing. I enjoy food, cuteness, and making people smile. I don't have many solid interests, so I have a tendency to be boring, but I contribute as much to conversations as I can.

    My history on this site is a pretty long one, as I'd been a part of the Flipnote community for two years. I haven't decided whether or not I'll be going to the 3DS version when it comes out, but I intend on posting here at least for the summer. I'll be subscribing to those I find interesting, and I hope to be of interest to some of you. Thanks for reading! Stick around maybe? :3

By the way, the title is from the song Blurry by Puddle of Mudd.